Back in September, the television evangelist Pat Robertson took a unique position on marriage and several other issues when he answered a viewer question on his show Christian Broadcaster. The question was "I have a friend whose wife suffers from Alzheimer's. She doesn't even recognize him anymore, and, as you can imagine, the marriage has been rough. My friend has gotten bitter at God for allowing his wife to be in that condition, and now he's started seeing another woman. He says that he should be allowed to see other people, because his wife as he knows her is gone...I'm not quite sure what to tell him. Please help!" After expressing his hatred for the disease Alzheimer's, Robertson responded to the questions saying, "I know it sounds cruel but if he's going to do something he should divorce her and start all over again." Since then, Robertson has continued to make outlandish statements further proving his lack of credibility as an "Evangelical" leader. So my purpose in writing this 7 months after the fact is not to prove that Robertson is a lunatic as he has proven that himself. Rather I want to address the issue here of marriage and the gospel as it hits especially close to home for me and my family.
My grandfather was a tremendous man. He served in the Army during the Korean War and then spent 18 years in the Navy as a chaplain. After retiring from the Navy he served as a pastor in Texas for 7 years. My parents were married in 1979 and my grandfather did the wedding. At that point he already had the early signs of Alzheimer's and this terrible disease would impact our entire family for the next 18 years. My earliest memories of my grandfather were ones of him stumbling through the house and not being able to play with my toys in the living room because Granddaddy would trip over them. But these memories are very few as the majority of my childhood is marked by my grandfather, a bed ridden man, who could not take care of himself at all. The daily rituals that we all take for granted, bathing, brushing our teeth, eating, putting on clothes, were left up to my grandmother, Alice Ann.
My grandmother is one of my heroes. She had every reason in the world to be mad at life and at God but of all the people I’ve ever known, she is the most beautiful model of grace and mercy. I never saw my grandmother angry; though I’m sure she was at times. I never saw my grandmother frustrated; though I’m sure this emotion was a common friend. I never saw my grandmother sad; though sadness is the only word one can use to describe this disease. No, she was always grace. Always joy. Always hope. Always peace. Whenever I read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 I picture my grandmother. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” This is my grandmother. This is Alice Ann. This is the gospel lived out for my family to see.
In Ephesians chapter 5 Paul says of marriage, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Marriage is a beautiful picture of the gospel. The wife submitting to the husband as the church submits to her redeemer. The husband loving the wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her so that she might be sanctified. God intended for this union between a man and a woman to be a proclamation to the whole world of his grace and mercy from the beginning of time.
In his book, When Sinners Say I Do, Dave Harvey argues that in order to be a good spouse, you must be a good theologian. He says, “To be a good theologian and therefore a good spouse, we must study God as he really is. We must get our understanding and interpretation of God and reality from Scripture. It is in Scripture that God is revealed truly—his character, his activity, his heart, and his glorious, redemptive plan. Most profoundly, in the Bible we encounter God as he has ultimately made himself known in the person of Jesus Christ. Christ is ‘the truth’ (John 14:6). To know him is to know the truth. Truth-based marriages are inherently centered on Christ.” The problem with Pat Robertson’s view on marriage is that it does not put Christ at the center. Now I’m sure that he would argue otherwise but if you truly believe that Christ needs to be at the center of marriages, how can you make a statement of absoluteness that is completely contradictory to God’s character, activity, heart, and glorious redemptive plan.
In our sickness and rebellion, God showed us his love by sending his son to die for us. When we deserved death, Christ took death in our place. We did not know God but by his grace we have come to know him. When we deserved to be abandoned for the sin we chose, God chose to redeem us and draw us to himself. It is impossible then, for a “minister” of the gospel, to say this man has the right to abandon his wife based solely on the fact that “she does not even recognize him anymore.” This is not living out the gospel, this is living out sin.
I do not want to minimize the significance of this situation. It is a difficult trial that is not easy to face for any family. This is a reality that couples come to face every day that their spouse is no longer the person they married. What a horrible thing to not have your spouse remember who you are. It’s overwhelming to think about. But change doesn’t just come is big ways, it comes in small ways. It shows up in little things like wrinkles or weight gain and if you have the right to divorce your wife when she is sick, you should have the right to divorce her when she has wrinkles. See, this is the beauty found in Ephesians 5. I can continue to love my wife in the midst of her flaws because Christ loved me in the midst of my sin. It’s so easy to say, “I should be allowed to see other people because the spouse that I knew is gone.” The gospel calls me to something greater though. I don’t love my wife to bring glory to myself; I love my wife to bring glory to Christ.
One thing I can agree with Robertson on is that Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease. But his perspective on marriage would probably change if his hatred was less towards the disease and more towards the cause of that disease, sin. My grandfather didn’t choose to have Alzheimer’s but he did choose sin. My grandmother didn’t choose to marry a man who would someday have Alzheimer’s but she did choose to marry a sinner. Maybe if we understood this truth and applied it every day in our marriages we wouldn’t ask questions like “Is it okay to cheat on my wife when…?”
Our time in marriage on earth is a faulty image of what we long for in our eternal relationship with our Savior. Dave Harvey concludes his book When Sinners Say I Do saying, “As real as our marriages are to us on this earth, they are just a shadow of the reality we will experience when Christ comes to claim his bride. Then we will have a wedding feast to celebrate our union with Christ that is unlike any feast that has ever been celebrated before. The entire family of Christ will be there—not one missing from the whole earth. The joy at that feast will not be marred by sin, struggle, pain, or disappointment. We will be forever with Christ in our new home. What glory is set before us as sinners who said, ‘I Do.’”
Thank you, Grandmother, for being such a beautiful picture of something so much greater that is to come for those who are in Christ Jesus.
In Christ, Nathan
Update
Thanks for your prayers while my brother and I were in Malaysia. It was an awesome trip. We were able to meet tons of people there and pray with them. A lot of our time was spent prayer walking which was right up my alley. God has given me a desire to pray for the nations and it was great to be in Malaysia, praying for and with people who are so lost. Hopefully, God will allow me and Morgan and the kids to do this yearly. I look forward to the day when Morgan and Lela and Eli can all go together as a family. Please remember our missionaries in your prayers and the people there who are so blinded by the Islamic culture.
I have been having what the doctor called heart palpitations recently. So I went to the doctor yesterday to get it checked out. After doing an EKG on me she said she was concerned by the readings that came back. So next week I will be going to the cardiologist to have some test run. Morgan and I aren't really worried about it but it is always a little bit nerve racking when unexpected things happen like this, especially with my family's history with heart trouble. The peace we have in Christ is overwhelming, even in the darkest hours. Last night during our family worship we were reading the last few verses of John 13. The last verse in the chapter says, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." After I read it I said to Morgan, "Well, that was fitting." How amazing the Word of God is. It always brings us perspective in life and that perspective is found in the cross. Regardless of life's situations, the cross is the one constant and the source of life. We decided that through this trial, whether it turn out to be something big or nothing at all, this verse will be our theme. Remember our family in prayer over the next couple days as we find out what's going on.
Join Me In Prayer For Malaysia
Malaysia
Area: 330,434 sq km Two distinct parts: Peninsular (West) Malaysia on the Kra peninsula of mainland Asia, and East Malaysia consisting of the territories of Sarawak and Sabah on the northern third of the island of Borneo. Well-watered, tropical rainforest.
Population: 27,913,990
Capital: Kuala Lumpur 1,519,166
Economy: Export-based nation producing rubber, palm oil, petroleum and forest and agricultural products as well as, increasingly, hi-tech manufacturing. Large-scale industrialization and increased exploitation of natural resources has rapidly boosted the economy. Government-enforced programes since 1971 include positive discrimination in order to uplift the Malay and indigenous populations' economic status to a level closer to the Chinese and Indian groups who have dominated the economy since before independence. A new wave of immigrants from poorer Asian countries, attracted by the wealth, continues to increase.
Politics: Independent from Britain in 1957 as the Federation of Malaya. In 1963, Sabah and Sarawak joined to form Malaysia, a federation of 13 states with a constitutional monarchy. Recent years have been dominated by the efforts of the politically powerful Malays to extend their influence over the non-Malay half of the population in educational, economic and religious life, enriching and empowering themselves, while many normal Malays are left behind. The ruling party has recently lost its majority to a broad coalition of Chinese, liberal and Islamist parties. Political Islam, both in the ruling party as well Islamist opposition groups, threatens to further polarize the country on both religious and ethnic lines.
Religion: Sunni Islam is the official religion. Despite constitutional freedoms, discriminatory legislation and actions against minorities seem to be creeping in. Shari'a law, applicable for Muslims only, actually supersedes constitutional law on many issues, a portentous issue in a country with a strong and agitating Islamist movement. Proselytism of Muslims is illegal, but considerable effort and lawmaking is exercised to induce tribal peoples and other minorities to become Muslim. 62% Muslim, 12% Chinese, 9% Christian
Answers to Prayer: Greater accountability in the political sphere as a strong coalition opposition brings balance to Parliament. Amid significant corruption and abuses of power comes a growing hope for and expectation of genuine justice, political transparency and less discrimination against all minority groups.
The maturation of the Church. Growth is steady if not spectacular, but churches are increasingly engaging in the social and political spheres. They are increasingly savvy about how to operate as a vibrant and outward-focused faith in an Islamic nation.
Challenges for Prayer: Malaysian society faces a troubled and contested future as fault lines appear. Malays, the largest, most dominant and most quickly growing population, are divided among themselves on a number of levels. Pray for changes in the economic, political and religious realms.
Minority groups feel frustrated with discrimination and corruption as well as with changes to civil and religious liberties. Some seek legal and political solutions, but others plan for future outside Malaysia - potentially tragic loss of diversity and economic clout for a land that has long prided itself on both.
Islam is gaining ground in both numbers and socio-political power. Although many, including large numbers of Malays, are opposed to shari'a (Muslims believe shari'a is God's law but they differ as to what exactly it entails), the creeping changes in Malaysian public, religious and legal affairs are cause for concern and for prayer.
Islam itself is a battleground. With over 100 radical Islamist groups, there is never-ending agitation for shari'a and the subjugation of all Malaysia to a much stricter version of Islam. Pray against the imposition of a harsh, aggressive Islam, which would bode ill for moderates, for minorities and for any Christian ministry.
Apostasy laws make conversion from Islam illegal in all but one state, with many states meting out harsh punishment for such offenses. It is nigh impossible for a Muslim (and therefore, by definition, for all Malays) to legally change their religion. Pray that federal constitutional rights might be upheld in courts. Pray for discretion and courage for all Muslims who choose to follow Christ.
Ministry to young people is crucial as the generation gap widens and many churches consist predominantly of older people. The temptations to young people - criminal activity, gambling, substance abuse, sexual immorality - are more pronounced than ever and are part of the reason for the resurgence of fundamentalist Islam.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)